Veterans Day

I had the opportunity to participate in several different communities’ Veterans Day Observances this year. Having a significant other who is a career veteran means I have some insider information and a glimpse of the various responses to patriotic celebrations.

Hundreds of people young and old gathered this year for a local observance day.

Speakers, dignitaries, children’s choirs, soloists and trumpeters were there to give the day focus and meaning. In the audience were representatives of all the American branches of service, their spouses and family members and the community at large.

Color guard was presented; children sang patriotic songs with nerves and smiles showing on their faces. The overall message seemed to be one of national pride and gratitude to the service men and women’s contribution. We honor our Heroes.

 Cognitive Dissonance

At the conclusion, I was left with an unsettling feeling of cognitive dissonance. Something seems amiss, things didn’t match. There is so much unspoken here, hidden in a veil of secrecy — there seems to be a disconnect. On the surface we are happy and celebratory. On the inside there is deep pain and suffering.

The day before I was invited to participate in a very different Veterans community activity where the focus was listening to our veteran’s as they shared their stories – usually the stories that are unspoken and unwelcome. I sat there as a “person of strong heart,” a non-veteran who represents the community at large, who is present to witness the pain, welcome the veteran, give them space to heal and return to society. The community group Warriors Journey Home shares the vision that our military require a sacred space to discharge their ghosts and demons- in the midst of a supportive community -in order to heal and to come fully home in mind, body, spirit. Theirs is a mission to bring a sense of belonging and re-entry to our society as whole and healed individuals. I listened and was honored to be included in their sharing.

 Some of these same veterans participated in Veterans Day services, many of them did so with words whispered under their breaths – “may I be the last of my family line to have to put on the uniform.”

As a community we all know that Veterans can return from their tours of duty as changed people. We can acknowledge that they survived horrible conditions and did terrible things they would not do stateside. We can even say Yes our veterans have PTSD, we should support them in getting help. …But that’s where it ends.  

Few of us want to hear what really went on. Sure there are those that talk of glory days- fodder for good action adventure movies. But in reality there are far fewer veterans who approve of all of the tasks, missions and actions they had to take – by direct order of their commanding officers.  Horrors of nightmares and injuries that are invisible- yet strike at the heart of our moral fabric. “Can I still be a good person if I gunned down civilians who were aiming at me and my troops? Were the actions I took moral, right or for the good of society?”

Most of these brave hearts have good hearted natures. They went out to be heroes- to serve and protect,- but weren’t fully aware of what would be asked of them. Many of them feel betrayed but have nowhere to go to process that sense of betrayal.  “I was sold a bill of goods with no way to get a refund or to make it right again!” No one asks the veteran how they are doing with topics like these. People don’t do well with uncomfortable feelings of others – especially when there is nothing that can be done to solve the discomfort. There is no comfort in certainty and no one can absolve them of their actions.  So the war lives on in their minds and hearts.  

 This is the battle that continues long after our veterans return home. 

• There are no programs to welcome them home. 

• Nothing to help them make sense of what just happened.

• No assistance in dealing with the grief and pain of lives lost.

• Just a “here’s your DD214 – now go get a job and get back into your life.”

• We wonder why substance abuse, unemployment and suicide are so common. 

Transitions in life require a time of reflection, of space to make sense and digest what has happened.

Then a time to be still and heal before coming back into society; stronger for the experience – even if stronger really means sharing our vulnerability fear and pain – we can be wiser and more empathetic for the experience. 

But the onus of this transition does not rely solely on the returning soldier, sailor, pilot or guards-person.  WE as a community have a responsibility to respond to our warriors offering them a healing space upon their return. This is one step in the direction of being proactive. Although, even this is an after effect not a solution of curbing the problems before they happen. 

Our native brothers and sisters - recognized this need to surround, protect and support their warriors upon their return. This was the community’s task. When there was peace at home, the community was the protector and the warriors could heal. When there was outside threat- the warriors could take their place as protectors of the larger community.  This was a fluid and intentional dance between protectors and protected.    

I was able to witness and participate in a powerful activity which was introduced as a buffalo ceremony.. Veterans were asked to form a circle in the middle and civilians created a circle outside of the Veterans.

The Veterans were asked to turn and face the Civilians and make eye contact.

Then as a group the Veterans said, “I gave my life to protect you.”

We civilians then said, “I welcome you, it is now my turn to protect you as you heal and come all the way back home.”

Simple but powerful. 

At the end of the day it is my experience that nearly every human wants peace. Peace in the world, peace in their communities, peace in their families, but ultimately internal peace. Most of us would admit we want our families and friends to live in peace both internally and externally.  

• Finding that peace requires that peace be mirrored to each other.

• That Safe spaces are provided when we are wounded or injured so we have time and space to HEAL.

• That we can see beyond our labels, roles, uniforms and beliefs and recognize that the person staring back at us is another human soul who require as much love and compassion as we can muster.

• Because in the end that is what each of us need too. 

And like the spiritual hymn says - “Let there be peace on Earth, and let it begin with me.”

Healing can come - if you need more help please reach out, I’d be happy to assist. This extends to family members of our Veterans who carry hidden wounds as well. I welcome you.