We are all shook!

A month ago, three months ago, a year ago, no one could have predicted that life as we know if would come to a screeching halt as it has this week. It’s easy to ignore global problems when they occur halfway around the world. But once something shows up on our soil, in our city or town or god forbid in our own home, things get personal. Our actions, behaviors, and beliefs have to change.

Amid current recommendations to distance ourselves socially, wash our hands and hunker in place a second thread of information seems to be weaving its way into the airwaves and internet information machine. That theme is to be afraid. Anxiety run amok.

One of the emotions that I work with most often is fear. Fear is a wonderful emotion because like all emotions it contains instructions for us to take notice that something needs our attention and secondly can inform our action to do something to curb that fear. Fear has the ability to point to our values. We fear loss, the unknown, uncertainty. We fear change, unpredictability, and lack of control. Fear makes our nervous systems activate; we either want to fight the thing that threatens us, or we want to avoid it at all costs. We can find ourselves shutting down. All of these seem to be rearing their ugly heads right now and the result can make us feel out of control and that we might be going crazy.

Take a breath

This is what I am noticing as I talk to clients, friends and family.

We value our families, our friends, our communities. We value the freedom to come and go as we please. We value the ability to buy what we want, when we want. We value our health and access to medical treatment when needed. We value our jobs and ability to pay for our expenses. We value our independence and all that we have constructed that to mean.

What this current experience is asking of us is to put our wants, desires and even needs second to the good of our families, communities, country and world. Every single person will be affected by this pandemic at some point. This curbing of our typical rights and freedoms can make us frustrated, angry and fearful. However, this is temporary. This virus will run its course like all others, and we need to keep that in mind. This too shall pass.

We have Control only in our Choice of Reaction

We have been dealt a hand of cards. These cards say we must curtail some of our usual activities. We need to stay home more. If we have work we are working from home, or have essential services we are offering for the good of society. I might not like the cards I have been dealt. I might even be angry with those cards. But the choice now is how to respond.

Fear and chronic stress can add to our inflammation load. It can deplete our stores of hormones, immune cells and overall energy and sense of well being. It behooves us to find ways to combat our fear and stress and put our bodies in a state of rest and recovery.

Acceptance is key

There is a difference between willing and wanting. We can be willing to take government recommendations to heart and to limit our social contact. We can be willing to restrain ourselves from overbuying food and toilet paper but instead buy our usual amounts trusting that food and home supplies will still remain available. We can be willing to learn how to apply technology to our day to day activities, whether working, attending school or church or shopping.

All this willing to do our best to keep us and those vulnerable around us safe from infection is excellent. But we also have to be willing to acknowledge that willing does not equal wanting. I doubt very many people would want to sign up for the situation we are currently in. I doubt anyone wants to be sick or limited in their movements or their ability to earn a living. Yet we do what we must, so that the many can be well.

It is what it is

Once I get to a place of acceptance, I am no longer fighting myself internally. This is what it is. So then what are my choices? I can choose to be miserable, or I can choose to make the best of it.

A wonderful mindfulness practice is to reflect on the current situation and being curious and applying kindness to whatever we find ourselves faced with. SNACK is a great acronym I stole from someone to help teach mindful response. Stop, Notice, Accept, Curious and Kind are ways we can choose to act when we find ourselves fearful.

Moving from fear to purpose

We are stuck in our homes. Our gyms and places of activity are currently shut down. Many of us find we have excessive energy swirling in our bodies. That is normal and to be expected. A healthy dose of running around the house, up and down stairs, home workouts and online exercise classes can help.

But with the removal of normal busy activities many of us find ourselves with time on our hands and a sense of listlessness. Now is the time to think outside of the box and decide How can I personally find a purpose in this time and do something that will better the world? Can you begin planting seeds for your garden and the garden of others? Can you begin creating art that you’ve always wanted to do, but never had time? Maybe that art can reflect your experiences right now. Can you write snail mail letters to those who are in care facilities and hospitals? Can you work on clearing out clutter from your home? Can you create a new mood and space in your personal environment so you can breathe easier? Can you donate money or material goods to businesses, individuals, food pantries and charities that are stepping up to help those who are losing their security? What brings you meaning and purpose? What is bigger than you? How can you contribute?

Interestingly, when we focus on helping others our own fear begins to go down.

Meditation and prayer

Being stuck at home can make us feel like we’re not doing enough. But interestingly, there are current movements to encourage meditation and prayer that can offer the intention of spreading the hope for healing, ease, calm and peace to ourselves and those around the world.

Just yesterday I heard of such a group. The app called Global Coherence is asking people to tune in everyday, but en masse on Wednesdays to join in a collective movement to shift the energy from fear to healing. I find this a beautiful way to switch my reactive mind to one of offering peace. Check it out and see if being connected to something bigger doesn’t help.

Bigger Picture

I am hearing many sources say that maybe this is a wake up call. Maybe the way we have been living our life; disconnected, busy, unaware, consuming, lonely, unwell and unbalanced needs to be corrected. Life is the best teacher. Perhaps life is giving us a chance to slow way down. Check in with ourselves. Rediscover our true selves our souls, our connection to one another and the natural world and to see if things don’t need to change. Yes we are independent, but at what cost? Maybe we need to learn interdependence. Maybe remember that our actions have consequences not just personal consequences but that have ripple effects to the whole world around us. Maybe it’s time to recognize we only survive, if there is a WE. It all connects, we just need the eyes to see it.

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Now offering TeleHealth for online counseling. Tend to your mental health needs without having to leave your house. Once restrictions are lifted, I will resume offering in person sessions. Contact me